Once my nana found catnip in my house and asked if my mom was smoking weed

I had a dream a boy I don’t like was being a jerk so I put a ponytail in his hair and rode him into the village like a donkey and then greeted my people with “your queen bitch has returned” and they were like yes welcome back.

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I have not cried or cried easily in a very long time. But I’m getting teary eyed watching this. I’ve been building up a very positive and can do attitude for myself and watching this is just crushing me. Seeing other people suffering, and way worse than me. But god it pisses me of how badly this is being neglected by the medical society, when so many people need fucking help, and not to be ignored.

Also I know this is so far in the future but it bothers me the chances of me bringing a sick child into this world.

my mom and I are watching the documentary, Under Our Skin, and holy shit this is way too real already. Seeing faces of other people who were told they were crazy and depressed and not really sick is bringing me a few years back.

I can’t remember the last time I actually missed someone. That’s pretty cool. Everything is pretty cool

I think I’m experiencing muscle spasms? Arms are tight and pain but one spot on my leg feels beat and bruised and tight and loose all at once. I think things are happening since I’ve been off antibiotics. This is a weird ass disease.

The past two days I really don’t like food. I’ve had a weird tummy ache and I feel gross while I eat.
Normally it’s me not being interested or wanting/remembering to eat. Like I’ve kind of lost interest. Except when I’m hungry obviously, but then it’s really really hard to find something. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I’m not even on any antibiotics anymore.

Something about being single and a bit healthier and happy and peaceful in my mind makes me have a crush on every other person I see for at least five minutes. It’s very cute and silly and carefree and I’m cool with it.

Today I was so anxious I decided last minute to go out I didn’t even get to brush my hair. People were so nice to me. Told me I looked good and hugged me and acted excited to see me. That makes me so happy. People are so cute. Sometimes I forget. I’ve made a lot of self changes lately and they manifested so nicely for me tonight

I THINK I JUST ACCIDENTALLY SAW A DRAG RACE SPOILER AND LIKE MY EYES WATERED UP AND MY HEART FLIPPED BUT I THINK FOR GOOD REASONS?!?

I had a dream that I hadn’t said no to our friendship, that I was involved in your life. Suddenly everyone hated me and wanted to beat me up, even though I had done nothing.

When I told you I was done I meant it. I’m glad you’re starting to feel bad about the things you did. And I almost feel bad for you, but not enough to ease your mind or help you up.
I detoxed you. I don’t have a reason to have you in my life in any way. I don’t trust you or your intentions.

I wouldn’t say I’ve burned bridges but maybe pissed on them along the way. Like hey I’m still standing here at the end and I am not bothered but no one wants to step in my pee to come after me.

I feel like I’m being held hostage and people want me to be a certain way and that really bothers me. Because among my best friends and family I am loved and supported in everything I do, but there is this huge shadow and group of people watching my every move and it’s really exhausting and alienating.